existing!

I guess blogspot doesnt have a time limit on inactive blogs.

I guess I dont really have much to say except perhaps one thing; I could write freely if I didnt have a blog.

While the dead is still living

Just read Paul Krugman's piece on the economy, stupid. Friedman vs Keynesian, Monetary vs Fiscal. I thought we had moved away from high school economics when the world was flat but apparently old solutions are still required to solve new world problems.

Having lived through 3 recessions (didnt count the oil crisis in the early 1970s as my life was pretty insulated then) , I understand that the human spirit is fragile, the human mind is forgetful but our capacity to adjust is boundless.

I therefore declare 2009 the year to adjust boundlessly by freeloading and free porn-ing. (not all freebies are worth it)

I shouldnt have drank a gallon of green tea

Just to make sure blogger doesnt erase this blog for inactivity, a yearend post.

"ekkngllsdkf3902402484jfnf vsfgfksfbvrjfsss
jdsfdks
&^%^#**HHBCBBVC
ekkdldldddddddddddddddddddddddddd
12393747836542173421738473
ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg"

I still can't write but here are my wishes for the new year.

A king's booty and a peasant's body for me. As for the rest of you, lets make gutterUncensored.com the number 1 most popular website in the world by sending in naked pics of your unsuspecting partners.

Apathy

Boomtown Rats' "I dont like Mondays" tonight is pretty upbeat. Much like those old Italian and Spanish songs of plenty verve with morose lyrics. The ones we sing-a-long to

~ 'My father is so pooRrr'
' He couldnt afford to buy a razor'
'to slash his wRist'

I must be Malaysian.

Sicko United 2008

Its been a long time since the original list. With less money to spend (last team got relegated), I'm buying local with the exception of one. He's pretty cheap anyway.

Sicko United 2008

Goalkeeper. Khairy Jamaluddin. Nothing gets past him.

Rightback. Alex Yoong (again) in A1 GP. After 2 seasons of relative success, he rediscovered his form (at right behind the others).

Centreback 1 and 2. Andrea Fonseka. A pair of perky ones.

Leftback. Hans Isaac. His partner got hitched.

Righthalf. K Fed. The court judged him to be the better parent.

Defensive midfielder. Samy Vellu. He covers his line well and is never at fault.

Playmaker. Pak Lah. Spreads (big cabinet) and passes out (zzzz) the play conveniently.

Left winger. Anwar Ibrahim. He's still working the channels with his mazy runs.

Nippy striker. Raja Petra Kamaruddin. He loves to shoot but rarely scores.

Big striker. Datuk K. He certainly scored big time.

Manager. Son of Bhutto. He's already plotting for the future.

Alive and Kicking

~Its Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid ~

All that drinking made me sick the last few days. Feel a lot better today although I had hoped to wake up on the 26th.

I hate shopping malls. This is going to be tricky.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

This is the 151 post. (is there a plural in post?)


Its funny how you meet old friends and everyone claims to know the other better. Last night, 2 old schoolmates, a doctor and one whose family owns the probably one of the oldest bakery in town, and an old college mate who's well established in advertising met up for drinks. (ok, I think she is because she's leftfield and knows some of my deepest darkest secrets). She hides our friendship well.

Its funnier how everytime you meet old buddies, old stories are regurgitated and told with renewed fervour like it never happened. The doctor reminded me again how blasted I was at his 16th birthday. Today, I learned that I told him mum to f**K off when she tried lying me down. Apparently, she still recalls the incident rather fondly. The baker boy swore by the tale while smirking rather lasciviously at the thought. You cant choose old friends.

The ad girl, WSP, is pro oppostion because she's anti government. I argued that you can be anti opposition and anti goverment as well. Its not about equations but your philosophy. She rightly pointed out I've never stood for anything. I wish she stops calling me.

The mystery of missing white shirt is solved. The auntie claims she doesnt have it and I certainly havent misplaced it in my tiny square feet of space. Its no longer a mystery, its missing.

Then again, I've never been bothered much about clothes.

Still Looking for the Disco

*dusting off cobwebs* ( I wish. haha. Any volunteers?)

This is pretty exciting. Writing for noone but yourself but on a chance that someone might chance upon this by accident or design. Noticed that chanced was twiced the previous sentence. I wonder if you can actually design a chance.

Its been an interesting 6 months or so since the last post. Much ado about nothing really. Except that my living conditions have deteriorated to the extent that I've 3 less functioning lights at home. The effort to get 3 lightbulbs exceeds the total sum of the monetary expenditure. I'm all for saving energy. Mine included.

Plumbing around the place seems to have taken a life of its own as well. I get soaked just by turning on the taps. Everytime I take a dump, I need to refill the WC after flushing because the water accumulation is so slow. Surely, there must be a way to divert the spitting taps to the WC.

Then, there's the laundrette. Despite my pleading, my clothes continue to shrink after every wash. Bloody hell, if its not for my sedentary lifestyle and hangovers from binge drinking, I would have gone over and instructed the auntie not to put the clothes in the dryer. I told my driver to tell her but it got lost in translation and now I'm investigating a missing white shirt although its difficult to do so from lying on the sofa and watching Asian Food Channel the whole day. That was a long sentence and surely missing a few commas.

I went to the office earlier because I felt guilty. About time I do something about it. My options include getting a sofa and Astro in the room and blackout curtains (whatever its called) or redesignate myself as "advisor". I'm more inclined to the latter due to the 'spiritual not physical' attachment to that position.

My neighbours are looking in again. I can't help it. I always blog naked.

Somebody help

Apparently, I'm the only one having problems with blogspot. Havent been able to view updates on this and others. Perhaps its time to move to wordpress.

Guess there wont be any updates until this is sorted. (its a pain writing this on the blackberry).

Mindful

Dont you think people who dedicate themselves to a cause or a movement need it more for themselves?

There's nothing wrong with that. Most social causes are good.

Why do you eye them with suspicion then?

Admit it. You think they are either gay, sanctimonious or trying to make a quick buck off you.

--------------------------

What's your best age?

Difficult one but I thought 23 was pretty good. I had low expectations.

I've asked the question many times (always at the bar). I dont recall anyone saying "current" or "future" age.

After too many drinks, one would have seen better days.

Life's Perspective

I thought I would return in better times. A death, an arrest and a loss prompted this post.

------------------------
My Dear Friend and Colleague,

I''m sorry for not allowing you to quit on several occasions. I didnt expect you to leave like this.

sicko
------------------------
My Old Buddy,

The nightmare has begun. It doesnt stop but you'll learn a new way of living.

sicko
-----------------------
My Friend and Associate,

You lost your family home through a bad business call. I'm still trying to help. The both of us.

sicko



It sucks to know me. My karma is always better than yours.

Sonic Speed

You have never left me in spite. You blur the lines between whats pleasing and whats disturbing. You challenge my ability to listen and enjoy. Sometimes I wish you just GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!!

Damn noises.

A Close Call

I like cool summer days and warm winter nights. We wont be appropriately dressed.

On a train across Germany one mild autumn's day, a cellist with the Berlin Philharmonic attempted to engage me in some intellectual discourse about the passage of time. The only noteworthy pitch he made was love is not something you can recapture because the melange of emotions at that moment has passed. I didnt expect him to know better. He has only loved one.

Love does manifest itself in different forms through different people at different times. I wasnt about to argue, we still had 3 hours to go.

I had intended to write about my love for my country and the sacrifices that I would make but thankfully this post distracted me. For fear of feminist militants attacking me, I refrained from making any comments and decided that its better to shit in my own blog.

Acquiring knowledge and having a social conscience are all fine and dandy but it wont get you laid. You need good grooming even if you look like a chihuahua.

This sucks. I dont know what I'm saying or doing anymore. I cant be sitting here without my clothes with a shot of whisky thinking it would make me blog. Time I stop blogging.

"













" (creating drama by quitting blogging briefly)


I'm back!!

Unfit

I'm not one for the brilliance of a sunrise or the introspective sunset. There's nothing quite like the transition into nightfall. Or the moment after dusk.

I'll sit in darkness. Waiting.

-------------------------------------------------------

A flustered labia wrote to me.

Sharifah Labia said...

Look at me, I'm Lily O,
lousy with virginity
Won't go to bed till I'm legally wed, I can't,
I'm Lily O,

Watch it, hey, I'm Siti Nurhaliza I was not brought up that
way
Won't come across,
even Datuk K lost his heart to Siti Nurhaliza

I don't drink or swear, I won't rat my hair,
I get ill from one cigarette
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers.
Would you pull that crap with Mother Theresa?

As for you, Sicko, I know what you wanna do
You got your cheezy crust, I'm no object of lust,
I'm just plain Lily O,

Elvis, Elvis, let me be, keep that pelvis far from me
Just keep your cool,
now you're starting to drool
Hey, dungu, I'm Lily O.

2:40 PM, March 28, 2007

Dear Sharifah Labia,

I'm Sicko, dont look at me,
you already know.
I dont need a bed
to screw your brains dead.

I'm Sicko without the standalone Zero.
No wonder
you cant get a score Lily O.

The Sicko aint no saint.
Even he wont do the dirty
on mother theresa of calcutta.
God bless her soul.

keep your knickers on, Lily O.
Its pouring.
tom's tumb may be handy,
for one uptight.

You're right Lily O,
I dont fit in.


Sicko

Grease Lightning

The extent of human greed is truly bewildering.

For some reason or another, I've been inundated with matters concerning the environment. I'm going to do my part in making the world a better place. A place where our children can run naked without fear of drowning, overheating and Datuk Ks.

Ask Siti. Its not easy washing off grease.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Since there are no distressed readers this week, I'm going to write a short letter to the PM because he might be.

Dear PM,

No sir, I'm not addressing the afternoon. I'm referring to the afterthought.

You were not the first, second nor the third choice. Its worse. You're becoming Sophie's Choice.

Please prove us wrong.

Sicko.

*A "Sophie's Choice" is a tragic choice between two unbearable options.

Green Not Envy

This has to be written with some conviction. I may the wrong person to propagate this but dont let the flippant design of this post undermine the gravity of the message. Shoot the messenger, if need be.

These mutually exclusive events took place last week.

1. An Irish friend showed a business model integrating environmental concerns with a social network. The business of the future.
2. Gore's Inconvenient Truth enlightened. It wasnt just learning about how fragile our earth is, but it made me realized that the right President won. Gore wouldnt have been an effective environmentalist if he was ruling the world.
3. Nostradamus had the audacity to invade my sub-conscience. Next time I fall asleep on the sofa, I'll make sure the cartoon network is on instead.

Since the world is ending soon, go watch Gore's movie for your own sake. I'll continue blogging naked for yours and the environment's sake.

a brainwave: we should have a Blogging Naked and Dont Shower Week supporting the Kyoto Declaration. I promise a farting good time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok to a more serious matter. A troubled reader.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sicko,

I am in my 30s and I have been been busting balls for many years. I dont think I can do this for long. I am tired of the effort I put in, time allocated to it and shit I have to take so that I can maintain my existing lifestyle. This lifestyle is not anywhere near great to warrant me to maintain it. I would like to be rich and bored like you. Please advice.

~John~


Dear John,

Thank you for having the balls to write in. Busted it may be.

I know of a friend who gave up her career and lifestyle for her own sanity (thats open to debate). Fortunately, she has the talent and the gumption to cultivate her interest into a rewarding one financially.

No, she's not a cyclist.

Then there's me. I've no talent and have a distaste for the daily grind. I wish I had more money and fit into a size 32 pants.

Fortunately, I dont really care to be like anyone else. Maybe thats the difference between you and me.

Sicko

This is not Dear John

Its terribly unsettling when you get it wrong 90% of the time. I've 2 locks securing my main door and it always take 4 turns to get it right. The yin of my yang is imbalanced.

There's this other thing. Someone thinks I've a good thing with the Dear Sicko letters. The last person who did a Dear John blog didnt last too long. It wasnt wise of him seeking his own counsel for the same demons admonished.

Pugly tagged me. I dont normally do tags but since she has good traffic, its wise to do so. Some weird stuff about me.

1. I blog naked,
2. sometimes single handedly but
3. always fidgeting
4. because I need to get my alignment right.
5. If I touch left, I need to touch right.
6. I cant be touching you too.

-------------------------------------------------

This inquiry should be dealt with as it concerns me.

Sharifah Lili Labia al Konek said...

abang sicko,

adik di fahamkan di kelas mengaji masa adik kecil dan comel dan masih dara dulu, bahawa konek yang halal adalah konek yang telah disunat, iaitu yang tidak dipakaikan jaket kulit lagi.adakah ini bermakna, kalau adik bermain dengan jejaka yang telah disunat, ini tidak dimasukkan kategori berzina?

Mahukah abang sicko berzina dengan adik?

Sharifah Lili Labia al Konek,

Pertama sekali, abang minta izin berbalas dalam bahasa kebangsaan, iaitu bangsa English. Of course.

I anticipate your reply but time awaits no man. Even if the only man you know is your Pak Haji who kindly exhibited his halalness to you.

You confuse me and therefore I'm confused about wearing a jacket. Nevertheless, if you read about the Emperor's New Clothes, you might just understand. Let me quote.

"obvious truth denied by the majority despite the evidence of their eyes, especially when proclaimed by the government." Smell the cheese (roses).

This blog wont self destruct like Dear John. I cant be your counsel and your demon. Sorry, no zina.

Sicko.

I think I'll swim tomorrow

I've finally dipped under 25 minutes for a 5km run. My knees are wobbly but unfortunatley, my stomach still is. A change of routine might help.

My first post in BM. (okay, parts of it). The letters of the week:

-------------------------------------------

adik comel yang tidak begitu bijak berkata-kata said...

abang sickobuat masa ini, saya begitu kepingin menikmati sebatang lollipop. pada masa yang sama juga, saya ingin memiliki sebuah kereta mini cooper. bolehkah abang sicko yang bijak pandai, lagi kekar dan perkasa, membantu saya?

Adik comel yang tidak begitu bijak,

Walaubagaimanapun bahasa melayu sicko koyak mengoyak, sicko tak bias.

Lollipop yang dinikmati itu harap rasa anggur kerana boleh jadi pandai seperti Kojak. Walaupun rambut dia gugur, dia masih cukup seksi. Kebijaksanaannya boleh dikesan dari kepala yang begitu besar dan berkilat. Omputeh cakap, "He's bright".

adik comel, sicko kurang percaya adik tak begitu bijak. Adik pandai 'multitasking', ingin menjilat lollipop sambil bermimpi memiliki kereta yang termasyhur dunia, Mini Cooper. Adik cukup ambitious nampak. Untunglah negara kami dapat warganegara yang berkhayalan Global.

Oleh kerana sicko pandai, etc etc, nasihat yang disampaikan harap adik tolong memberi pemerhatian.

"Bermimpi itu bagus kalau adik tak berbangun."
"Sicko juga ingin bermain dengan Anggun,"
"Tapi takut pergi Indo kerana banyak gempar bumi."
"Adik akan bangun bila Putera menciumi."

Realiti ada juga nikmatnya.

Sekian.

Sicko

----------------------------------------

Keropok said...

Dear Sicko,My, err... friend says his kulit-empat (four-skin) is so long, each time his awek goes down on him, he entire head gets in. ANy advice for err... him?

Dear Keropok

Dont fret, my friend. (your friend?ours?Whatever)

I think its pretty cool that his entire head gets into her mouth when she goes down on him. Kulit-empat long ada khasiatnya. Good for cheese accumulation. I hope she's likes it pungent.

Sicko

Answers to Your Prayers

Letter of the Week*

*Labia Oblongata said...

Dear Sicko,
I am worried about how my labia (majora) looks.I've watched (and compared) mine to countless pornstars' and several friends' (via both visual comparison and verbal description).Why doesn't mine wave hello?K.S Labia.
3:05 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear K.S. Labia
You’re indeed a Kia Su Labia. Please do away with this Singapore mentality of keeping up with the Lees.
What you have is not a major-a problem but a teeth-ing one. Get someone, preferably someone with a bite, to grab and pull it into the throat. Do it repeatedly until the swelling becomes desensitized. You will have a flapping insensitive unsanitary labia that’s porn ready.

Sicko

------------------------

luiza mendez said...

dear sicko,
where can i get vibrating, tingling condoms that could make me cum like a pig? if u don't already know, a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.thank u.
3:25 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Luiza Mendez,
Why have one when you can have multiple orgasms?

Sicko

-----------------------------

Anonymous said...

dear sicko,
tell me how to squirt.my bf n i have been trying,but it seems dat i just cant (squirt).pls help.siti nurhafiza
4:02 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Siti Nurhafiza,
I assume you’re trying to get pregnant. Please get your boyfriend to squirt while you grimace with pleasure.

Sicko

------------------------


macam aku termakan cililah pulak said...

Dear Sicko,
I secretly covet my bestfriend's man. I have hot, passionate fantasies of him lapping me up like I am made of sugar. Each time we go out in a group I have to control myself because just the sight of him makes me want to undress. Please help me. I don't want to scare the other patrons in the establishments we frequent.
5:19 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Macam Macam,
Unless you look like Jabba the Hut, the establishments would pay good money for your loss of control. You’ll also gain many new bestfriends.

Sicko

I Suck

This is becoming too complicated. I could write about fellatio 101, food for the soul and football for the dim witted. This blog could instantly tranform into an educational, passionate and popular blog. A thought and then some.

Is tomato a fruit or vegetable?
According to Jeff "The Man Who Ate Everything" Steingarten, tomato is the fruit of a tomato plant.

I wouldnt insult you like that. I would tell you to juice it up, add some vodka, peppers and worschester sauce. Serve it in shots with raw oysters. After a dozen or so shots,

oh fuck, I havent paid my Astro bill. I cant write now!.

the question is now a philosophical debate. Which you cant win because I will quash your fruity tomatoes before you can spell V-E-G-E.

I recommend the bloody mary shots with oysters at the Magnificent Fish and Chips Shop. Ask Paul to do it.

You would have noticed I've cunningly inserted some ads. The concerned parties please take notice.

Ahem. Question.

If I turn this into a Dear John or Abby (who the fishes are they?) would you tell me your problems?

Dear Sicko,

I've been having mind blowing sex with my subordinate in my boss's room. We're both married. Help.

Dead Man Walking

Dear Dead Man Walking,

I see many triangles. I dont see a problem if your boss is married, your subordinate is not and you are. Its not a problem either if your boss is married, your subordinate is and you are not. However, if your boss is not and that leaves both of you married, it depends if you're married to each other.

Assuming that you're married to each other, I dont counsel for healthy marriages.

Sicko

Bloody hell. I've just finish the last bits of Bowmore. A typical Islay whisky with heavy peat. Inferior to Ardbeg and Laphroaig though.

What I really aspire to be is the local version of Post Secret. You know you can trust me with your secrets. Help me make it.