Saturday, January 28, 2006

A Fortune Teller Told Me

Death can be a good place but to be told the manner of it isnt.

Ah Keat was the 6th of 13 siblings in a Straits family. He was so insignificant that he was known in the household as Ee Nam, after the number six. Surely, he must have mattered for he had a ranking. As the family was large and money was hard to comeby, education for the kids was cut short and they tended to more important matters like putting food on the table.

Ee Nam was a simpleton but he made up for his lack of wit through hard labour. He even got himself a wife. Being smarter than him, she soon left before bearing him a pair. The daughter was spared the trauma because of her deficient sense (she inherited her father's intelligence). The son, being younger, knew no better. Ee Nam's mum was concerned and he was brought to see a sinseh; to cast away evil spirits and to foretell his fortune. So the spirits flew away and he was told that a life of hard labour awaits him. He was also told he would die from alcohol.

The family, despite the size, was close knitted and they provided him with support and care for his two kids. He stayed on the straight and didnt even fancy liquor of any kind. Yesterday, he was out on an assignment to deliver a truckload of goods to the local merchant. He was unloading when a crate of beer hit his head.

He died at 72. God bless his soul.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A Bird Mocked

Being Lillian's Tool, I predict the biggest farce this week will be the conclusion of Malaysia's Most Beautiful with the chinky chong woman winning it. Yasmin and Sheila wont look too good either with eggs on their pretty little faces.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Time of the Month

According to Robert Frost, the future only confirms the present and that the future is not an outcome of the past. That statement confirms my suspicion that Mr Frost is an overrated laureate feted by a nation full of contradictions.

Kundera had his moment too. He had this notion that one of the certainties afforded to man, is that all predicitons are wrong. Of course, he had a zillion stories to back his fancy.

I dont know, I'm baffled. Give me Lillian Too anyday.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wishful Thinking

Someone asked if there was a vacancy in my office. Noncholantly, I offered the position under my table. Strangely, that piqued her interest. Masking her perversion with her puppy dog look, she wanted to know the job function. Unmasking my perversion, I shot back "Sit and Spit".

I'm the only one allowed to "Sit and Split".

(real dumb but this conversation did take place)

Monday, January 16, 2006

I Feel for You

I've this little revolving globe sitting on my desk. It speaks to me about endless possibilities and great adventures, but like all well intending globe, its either dated and under constant revision. I took it a step further, I turned the world upside down on its axis.

Despite my herculean exertions, this little freak of the universe remained and my dreams of anarchy and global domintation are in tatters. Humbled, I ve decided that I should only be concerned about the little things that make my world go round.

So I'm getting a new shrink....... goodbye Mr Sense and hello Miss Sensibility!

Miss Sensibility just told to me to screw work and start drinking NOW.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Blog Bastard

Being a blogging fledgling, its gratifying to note that there are some people who take the trouble to read the drivel that is spouted here. As a firm believer in customer service, let me address some of abuses that has been thrown at me.

Your blog is so random

My interests are varied indeed,
and I've an insatiable appetite for getting into people's pants;
Its not knowledge that I seek,
But to laugh at others' expense.

Your're a pervert, indescipherable, nutcase etc etc

Surely there's some genius at being twisted and sick.

Arent you afraid that your family,colleagues, clients, business associates and friends might read your blog?

All I want to say to them is " its just my outlet" which is safer than using my dick.

So what you write is the truth

Its not easy to fabricate absurdity, its easier to be common. Some events and people are made up but generally I write before I think. Its raw, untainted.

Is this a scheme to meet women?

If it was, I would've listed my email, chat id, phone number and write about stuff that women like to read ie how to give head in 1001 mind blowing ways.

Yours sincerely.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Silence of the Lamb

I dont show it,
I dont say it;
But I love you absolutely!

Tragic or Magic?