Thursday, April 27, 2006

Tree Top Mentality

No dirty linen on display BUT .......

All Valued Residents,

Dear Sir/Madam

Throwing Cigarettes Butts From Units Balconies

The management wishes to express its deep regret that despite writing to a few residents not to throw cigarettes butts from the balconies, we still see residents continue doing it. A week ago a resident had her shirt partially burnt due to a burning cigarette being dropped from the balcony. We seek all residents' cooperation to stop throwng cigarettes butts outside. Please use ashtrays and throw it in the dustbins.

XXX Management

Its not about the grammatical and spelling errors nor
about them witnessing the act nor
about a lady getting burnt nor
that we need to buy disposable ashtrays.

So much for living in a 'high class' condominium where its main occupants are provincial Japanese, crude Koreans and trashy Whites. The token local monkey is offended.

The Stephen Hawking Music Video

Truly bizarre and unsettling. Watch at your own risk.

* Sorry Mr Hawking, but the likeness is uncanny. David Lynch's Eraserhead comes to mind too.

Monday, April 24, 2006

An Old Tease

Read this 'quiz' in Bangkok back in 1998.

Question: Who is he?

He was once expelled from his party because of his political views.
He wrote a book lauding racial chauvinism.
His country was poor until he industrialised it. He promoted the manufacturing of the first national car.
He launched a slew of mega-projects and hosted a world-class sport event.
He had to face a severe currency devaluation.
He insisted the problems of his country were due to a conspiracy by foreign powers.
He pulverised his political enemies and muzzled the media.
He had a deputy who called for reforms and caused jealousy among party big wigs.
His No 2, who had been with him for some 17 years, was finally removed under accusations of homosexuality and treason.

Answer/s: ???

One is dead and one is still speaking from the grave.

* I'm apolitical and think this comparison is unfair. Its just so easy to pick similar traits and events of 2 unrelated individuals. I'm sure Saddam and I have lots in common.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Fool's Gold

We're pretty ingenius in the way we conduct our market studies. I've seen many business plans from the private and Government sector that based their investment assuming a 1% market penetration of lets say, the PC market globally.

1% perhaps is the tolerable threshold for funders and fools alike. "Surely, if you look at my 150 pages of feasibility study, 1% market penetration of USD 600 billion market is highly achievable." But they forget that the total market is controlled by 3 dominant players who has a stranglehold on the market based on pricing, technology and sourcing capabilities.

"I'm just being conservative, I'm looking at a minimum penetration of 1% with an upside of 20% based on my aggresive marketing plans". Yeah, with the marketing budget being a tiny fraction of the development cost. They expect the product to walk out of the assembly line and sell by itself.

Mostly, they forget that its also 99% perspiration.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

You're bloody useless!

This got to rank high up in my list of detestable phrases. "All said and done......", basically disregards whatever has been said and done. Just kena from my client but there are other phrases that just makes my blood boil.

"I dont disagree with you BUT". Oxymoron phrase used by pig heads.

"And so?". Blur phrase used by your associate who is fiddling with his handphone.

"And SO?". Condescending phrase used by pig heads.

"So how ah?". Desperate cry for help.

"So how?". You better come up with a solution phrase.

"I knew it!". You have just vindicated what I thought previously but I didnt want to tell you.

"I dont know". You're just buying time to come up with a credible answer after being caught with your pants down.

"What do you mean!". Can you please repeat it so I hear it right phrase.

And of course... "I TOLD you so". Asshole phrase.

Writing this post made me realize that I've been guilty of using some of these phrases. Actually, saying "Fuck it!", "You're bloody useless" and "Why you so stupid one" has better redeeming qualities than an ill disguised taunt. Everyone will feel better.

Monday, April 10, 2006

You're not that Great!

"Don't be humble, you're not that great!" .....(think it was Marlene Dietrich who said it to a visiting diplomat) (One of my favourite overused retorts)

This reverse snobbery concept appeals to my finances. Notwithstanding my lack of greatness, I plan to plant the seeds of humblelingus in order to sustain my other superfluous interests.

Sell cars. Buy a Myvi.
Sell properties. Buy a Timeshare.
Stop buying designer clothes. Consider BritishIndia.
Contain epicurean desires. Consider New World wines from Chile and chicken liver pate.
Forget biweekly RM60 haircuts. Do mamak No 1(or is it No3) cuts every 3 months.
Return Datukship offer to sender. (ok, thats the plan if it happens)

Not exactly the state of destitution but it will go a long way in paying for my drinking binges, football trips to the UK and (*coughs*) the deposit for this beauty. My mother would be proud.

Achieving greatness is a bit trickier. Notoriety doesnt count because its too easy. Neither does doing good (same example as notoriety!). Maybe i'll just emulate some great Malaysians and add myself to the Great Malaysian Blog List. Alas, the list doesnt exist because Great and Malaysian Blogs are mutually exclusive? I can do a Malaysian Record of sort. Largest collection of toe nail clippings might just make me Great.

Its just easier being Great without the stigma of being Malaysian attached to it. When your greatness transcend nationalities, its not questionable. The call for Towering Malays or Malaysians is bizarre given the need to shed our 'Jaguh Kampung' mentality.

Marlene Dietrich is wrong. We need to be humble because we're not great. Its easier that way; we might even gain a little respect.

Emergency Leave

Is meant for emergencies and not the day before a public holiday. Might as well shut the office.

Basic Instinct Refresh

Out with the old!!!

A little bit of Monica is all I need.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006