Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Answers to Your Prayers

Letter of the Week*

*Labia Oblongata said...

Dear Sicko,
I am worried about how my labia (majora) looks.I've watched (and compared) mine to countless pornstars' and several friends' (via both visual comparison and verbal description).Why doesn't mine wave hello?K.S Labia.
3:05 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear K.S. Labia
You’re indeed a Kia Su Labia. Please do away with this Singapore mentality of keeping up with the Lees.
What you have is not a major-a problem but a teeth-ing one. Get someone, preferably someone with a bite, to grab and pull it into the throat. Do it repeatedly until the swelling becomes desensitized. You will have a flapping insensitive unsanitary labia that’s porn ready.



luiza mendez said...

dear sicko,
where can i get vibrating, tingling condoms that could make me cum like a pig? if u don't already know, a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.thank u.
3:25 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Luiza Mendez,
Why have one when you can have multiple orgasms?



Anonymous said...

dear sicko,
tell me how to bf n i have been trying,but it seems dat i just cant (squirt).pls help.siti nurhafiza
4:02 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Siti Nurhafiza,
I assume you’re trying to get pregnant. Please get your boyfriend to squirt while you grimace with pleasure.



macam aku termakan cililah pulak said...

Dear Sicko,
I secretly covet my bestfriend's man. I have hot, passionate fantasies of him lapping me up like I am made of sugar. Each time we go out in a group I have to control myself because just the sight of him makes me want to undress. Please help me. I don't want to scare the other patrons in the establishments we frequent.
5:19 PM, February 27, 2007

Dear Macam Macam,
Unless you look like Jabba the Hut, the establishments would pay good money for your loss of control. You’ll also gain many new bestfriends.


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I Suck

This is becoming too complicated. I could write about fellatio 101, food for the soul and football for the dim witted. This blog could instantly tranform into an educational, passionate and popular blog. A thought and then some.

Is tomato a fruit or vegetable?
According to Jeff "The Man Who Ate Everything" Steingarten, tomato is the fruit of a tomato plant.

I wouldnt insult you like that. I would tell you to juice it up, add some vodka, peppers and worschester sauce. Serve it in shots with raw oysters. After a dozen or so shots,

oh fuck, I havent paid my Astro bill. I cant write now!.

the question is now a philosophical debate. Which you cant win because I will quash your fruity tomatoes before you can spell V-E-G-E.

I recommend the bloody mary shots with oysters at the Magnificent Fish and Chips Shop. Ask Paul to do it.

You would have noticed I've cunningly inserted some ads. The concerned parties please take notice.

Ahem. Question.

If I turn this into a Dear John or Abby (who the fishes are they?) would you tell me your problems?

Dear Sicko,

I've been having mind blowing sex with my subordinate in my boss's room. We're both married. Help.

Dead Man Walking

Dear Dead Man Walking,

I see many triangles. I dont see a problem if your boss is married, your subordinate is not and you are. Its not a problem either if your boss is married, your subordinate is and you are not. However, if your boss is not and that leaves both of you married, it depends if you're married to each other.

Assuming that you're married to each other, I dont counsel for healthy marriages.


Bloody hell. I've just finish the last bits of Bowmore. A typical Islay whisky with heavy peat. Inferior to Ardbeg and Laphroaig though.

What I really aspire to be is the local version of Post Secret. You know you can trust me with your secrets. Help me make it.

Thursday, February 15, 2007


There is a common literary theme throughout history - a main character has his or her long held perception of reality and truth torn asunder, when a key moment or critical event reveals the falsehood of the previously held truth.
Truth should perhaps be defined as integrity and not a statement of fact. The world was once flat and doesnt mean it is round as we know today.
This blog is tempered that the melange of emotions inflicted on the writer is unknown to the public. So be it. On the internet, noone knows that you're a dog.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Monday, February 12, 2007

As Naked As It Gets

Due to the absence of readable material, I've resorted to porn on the internet recently. Needless to say, I'm totally disgusted.

I cant be bloody paying to watch New Paris Hilton Stolen Videos with my credit card. Or sneaking a peek at Hillary's boobs. What would my banker think?

"Good Evening, Mr Sicko. This is Aisyah from @#$% b..."
"The cheque is already in the banklah."
"Thanks you for the payment but this call is to confirm that an online transaction has been made using your card.'
"Mr Sicko, did you recently acquire som....."
"Yeslah! Yeslah!" *growls*
"Thank you for your confirmation. We'll be continue to monitor your transactions online and have earmarked those sites for our future references."


Looks like the alleged Britney Spears K-fed tapes may have finally leaked out. They should invest their millions in a better camera! Funny how a video surfaces a day after their divorce. Looks like Kevin is out for revenge! Its not conclusive but damn, if thats Britney she can really wax a pole! This is the sex scandal we've been waiting for. CLICK FOR MORE »


Must be the effing weather or something but I cant seem to find my stride coming into 2007.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Thought for the 7th day

An interesting article from a technology site .

It's a question you may prefer not to be asked. But I'm afraid I have no choice. We find ourselves, this very autumn, three and a half centuries after the intellectual martyrdom of Galileo, caught up in a struggle of ultimate importance, when each one of us must make a commitment. It is time to declare our position."

New Atheists condemn the belief in God and declare all religion as evil.

I believe that religion does not require proof of God's existence. I'm just acting on faith.

I asked myself why I blog and I came up with this

do you realize that it doesnt take much to hurt but it takes a lot to love?

think about it.

You're wrong.

you cant possibly hurt if you havent loved.


that's not too clever you say.

you wouldnt know.

i dont love you.

finally the mail, i've been waiting for.

gain 3 inches in length.

so if i apply it to my head

will i grow taller?

i might apply some to my bank account.

today i saw something funny.

no, i wasnt naked.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Bad Hair Day!

I had trouble disciplining my hair this morning.
It took a slab of hair cream to keep the unkempt bits in check.
The slick mop of hair was environmentally hazardous
that I chose to walk in shaded areas and dark alleyways.

I visited the toilet to wash off the oil.
The only thing I got cleaned,
was my shirt which was truly drenched.
"You should have towelled it off, Einstein!"

Someone commented that my face looked bigger.
As always, I said its a bad hair day.
Honestly, my weight correlates with the fickleness of my hair.
Please see me next week, I would have lenghtened by then.

Comeon its a Bad Hair Day! What do you expect?