Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I Suck

This is becoming too complicated. I could write about fellatio 101, food for the soul and football for the dim witted. This blog could instantly tranform into an educational, passionate and popular blog. A thought and then some.

Is tomato a fruit or vegetable?
According to Jeff "The Man Who Ate Everything" Steingarten, tomato is the fruit of a tomato plant.

I wouldnt insult you like that. I would tell you to juice it up, add some vodka, peppers and worschester sauce. Serve it in shots with raw oysters. After a dozen or so shots,

oh fuck, I havent paid my Astro bill. I cant write now!.

the question is now a philosophical debate. Which you cant win because I will quash your fruity tomatoes before you can spell V-E-G-E.

I recommend the bloody mary shots with oysters at the Magnificent Fish and Chips Shop. Ask Paul to do it.

You would have noticed I've cunningly inserted some ads. The concerned parties please take notice.

Ahem. Question.

If I turn this into a Dear John or Abby (who the fishes are they?) would you tell me your problems?

Dear Sicko,

I've been having mind blowing sex with my subordinate in my boss's room. We're both married. Help.

Dead Man Walking

Dear Dead Man Walking,

I see many triangles. I dont see a problem if your boss is married, your subordinate is not and you are. Its not a problem either if your boss is married, your subordinate is and you are not. However, if your boss is not and that leaves both of you married, it depends if you're married to each other.

Assuming that you're married to each other, I dont counsel for healthy marriages.

Sicko

Bloody hell. I've just finish the last bits of Bowmore. A typical Islay whisky with heavy peat. Inferior to Ardbeg and Laphroaig though.

What I really aspire to be is the local version of Post Secret. You know you can trust me with your secrets. Help me make it.

12 comments:

dilettanteP said...

Why do you suck?

danyanova said...

Blimey, Rupert. What a fantastic idea! But that's a little unfair, non?

I would have been your number one fan posting secrets every 2 minutes but I write mine out in the open anyway.

I will make up secrets then for the fun of it :)

Doreen said...

keep ranting. they make up for my reading diet at the workplace.

shucks. and i actually licked my lips when i read about juicing them tomatos and making bloody marys outta them.

sic6sense said...

dilettantep, because i couldnt think of a title. haha

danyanova, why unfair? because i dont share mine? one day perhaps. keep spilling those secrets, i love reading them altho i keep missing the plot.

doreen, i wish they pay me to read blogs too. :D

a babe of very little brain (and a big headache) said...

bloody hell, i got a headache reading your dear dr ruth answer.

Labia Oblongata said...

Dear Sicko,

I am worried about how my labia (majora) looks.

I've watched (and compared) mine to countless pornstars' and several friends' (via both visual comparison and verbal description).

Why doesn't mine wave hello?

K.S Labia.

Dim-witted football fan said...

Hurted. *sniff*

luiza mendez said...

dear sicko,

where can i get vibrating, tingling condoms that could make me cum like a pig? if u don't already know, a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

thank u.

Anonymous said...

dear sicko,

tell me how to squirt.my bf n i have been trying,but it seems dat i just cant (squirt).pls help.

siti nurhafiza

macam aku termakan cililah pulak said...

Dear Sicko,

I secretly covet my bestfriend's man. I have hot, passionate fantasies of him lapping me up like I am made of sugar. Each time we go out in a group I have to control myself because just the sight of him makes me want to undress. Please help me. I don't want to scare the other patrons in the establishments we frequent.

yati said...

i thought i put up a comment here this morning... what happened? i hope it's not on someone elses comment box!! of course i wasn't being rude in that comment!! (praying)

so dear sicko... if it was on someone elses comment box, how do i stop this embarassing situation?

Asasia said...

Good for people to know.