Friday, March 31, 2006

Burn Baby Burn!

I want it badly!!! Fuck the circle.


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Circle

I live in my own world,
for I know no other;
But they say its always better elsewhere.

Elsewhere I stood;
For now I know better,
why they say its always better elsewhere.

This circle of dissatisfaction doesnt have an end. Therein lies the point.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Rhythm Nation

Johnny Tan thought it was rather bright that privilege cards were handed out to the right crowd to garner loyal patronage and free spending in his club. Apart from waivering cover charges, these members had good discounts on food and beverage. The idea was that the right crowd would attract the wrong crowd who would pay the wrong prices to cover the discounted prices.

Suhaimi was one of the early members. Indeed, he felt privileged as he was lavished with attentive service and he knew he paid less than the others. Ganesh was of the others. A gangly lad with bad skin, he bided his time because he would soon be part of the faceless privileged.

Business was brisk and Johnny felt vindicated. A good majority of the patrons became members. But Suhaimi didnt feel special anymore and the staff's attention was diluted amongst the Toms, Janes and Marys. Johnny being a good man, extended additional privileges to Suhaimi in recognition of his standing. Of course, this cycle of discounting didnt stop there. Toms, Janes and Marys insisted on it because they felt they have contributed to the success of the club.

Ganesh became privileged but not a member. It didnt matter as he was rewarded with the fruits of discontentment of others. Johnny had to end the discriminatory pricing practices as he was losing money and it became operationally inefficient to have multiple systems.

Thats not the end of Johnny's tale. Like all great leaders, he had a Turnaround Plan, littered with KPIs (key performance indicators), no less. Lessons were learnt and 2 KPIs were set:

30% increase in revenue
Limit membership to 100 top spenders and reward them accordingly

The idea was to reward the selected members with points that could be exchanged for gifts as a result from their spending. Just like the credit card companies.

Suhaimi was member No. 8. He also got smarter after the first experiment. Ganesh became his quick buddy, and he extended his privileges to Ganesh provided he spends under his membership. Suhaimi gets his points, Ganesh gets his privilege pricing and unfortunately, Johnny gets a bigger debt. Screw the KPIs, the rakyat is happy.

Everything's dandy in Bolehland again.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Global Local Orgasm

"Ive got someone for you"

"Indian Muslim from New York"

"His holiday home in Martinique is featured in Travel and Living"

"He's flying in on his private jet this Friday"
"mmmm oooooo ahhhhh"

"So I will reserve the seat next to him at dinner for you?"
"Yes! Yes!

The one with the multiple orgasm is an A list local socialite although she will be amongst other A listers. Some Bs and Cs are thrown in to create a menu so extensive that a bite is hard to resist, second helpings are welcomed and doggie bagging is encouraged. Of course, the protaganist makes good commission and promises more fat cats in future. Forget Local, Go Global.

Whats disconcerting is not the fact that our 'best' women are hankering for a better lifestyle but the fact that the perceived growth of male millionaires in this country is just a fallacy. There's just too few genuine ones for too many 'best' women. This is better explained in another post which involves economic, political and social dissection. Stuff that people talk about in pubs.

One other thing...... the concerned A lister was/is currently in a relationship with the son of a local billionaire.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Too Close For Comfort

The hair stylist and I have a great understanding, a relationship akin to an old married couple.

He has been doing my business for the last 8 years. Which suits him as I dont think he has many customers.

He is not the greatest of stylist, I've even coached him. Which suits him as he's rather dull and I dont think he gets to update himself with the latest trends.

I love the long silence and rather not indulge in mindless conversations. Which suits him as I suspect he's not much of a talker anyway.

He doesnt have an inkling of who I am. Which suits him because he wouldnt want to reciprocate, justifying his existence.

I can secretly read FHM and oogle at the scantily clad models. Which suits him as it disctracts me from commenting at his ineptitudeness.

He doesnt aspire confidence as his own hair needs to be styled. Which suits him as expectations of a great haircut would be low.

His confidence is so low that he looks at me all the time, seeking approval. Which suits him because I dont think anyone else cares for him.

So I put up with all his inadequacies and insecurities. But what really irks me is that everytime he does my sides, his crotch brushes against my shoulder. Which doesnt suit me, I need to move on.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

A Hazy Sunday Evening

Some random thoughts..

1. The Government is damn stupid. Shouldnt have changed a successful formula.
Petrol price increased by 0.45 cents last year (albeit gradually), noone complained. A mere one time 0.30 cents jump, people react like goverment and Petronas owe them a living. Get real, the subsidized and overgeared lifestyle we've been used to has finally caught up.

2. This blogger needs help.
The Lie Will Set You Free. A blend of fact, exaggerated truth, vicarious nominees and fantasy will let you write freely. The intend shouldnt be the accuracy of the story but the sanctity of the message.

3. This blogger really needs help.
Size doesnt matter, they say. Of course it doesnt, when you dont have them. And when you DO have it, it doesnt matter either.

4. A 12 year old Bunny is no fun.
Just had her and she didnt do me. I'm surprised Jim Murray rated her so highly. She lacked character, had the aroma of overgrown grass and tasted like cockroaches' pee.

5. This is a very tired blog.
Read somewhere that 50% of new blogs will suffer a blog fade within 3 months. This blog is no longer a statistic, its 4 months old. Its also very sick and will take a short hiatus.

Good riddance.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A Short Message Service

"The abuse of alcohol and women is the very condition of their (man's) aspiration, if not their genius... Proust". SMS received from this rather scrumptious doll at 6.45 pm.

"Free for a drink? Time we caught up. :)" . SMS received from an old female acquaintance at 6.46pm.

The first message wasnt sent en bloc. It was intended for the recipient as it was thought relevant. Claiming she's not deluded, she intends to unravel the mysteries of the truth. A quest of sorts. Poor sort.

The second message merely confirms the fact that women will never learn.


Ok, it was suppose to be inspiration and not aspiration. The context of the post changes but the message remains.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Death by Insult


Just been asked to be the Simon Cowell of the company's Idol competition at the annual kickoff and dinner tonight. I need a listing of insults quickly! Some crappy ones so far.

You've got the X factor!
X for fearlah.
Everytime you open you mouth, you give me fear.

You've just wasted 5 minutes of my life!

Somebody please get the doctor!
The man is in pain!

Who are you again?

Wahhh Ah Lian.
You got the potential la
If things dont work out for you here,
I'm sure you'll find work at some karaoke lounge.
I sure call your number wan!

The best part of the performance for me,
was when it ended!

I've been waiting to say this ever since you joined the company;
Wong Ah Beng, you're fired!

Death would be painless compared to this!

Your (big) presence overshadowed your performance!

You're a cunning fella;
since you cant sing well, you try to be bad.
Well, you suck at being bad!

I'm so going to enjoy this tonight. God help these poor buggers.


Its all about the delivery. Nobody gets it when you're too clever!