Friday, March 03, 2006

Death by Insult

Crisis!

Just been asked to be the Simon Cowell of the company's Idol competition at the annual kickoff and dinner tonight. I need a listing of insults quickly! Some crappy ones so far.

You've got the X factor!
X for fearlah.
Everytime you open you mouth, you give me fear.

You've just wasted 5 minutes of my life!

Stop!
Somebody please get the doctor!
The man is in pain!

Who are you again?
zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wahhh Ah Lian.
You got the potential la
If things dont work out for you here,
I'm sure you'll find work at some karaoke lounge.
I sure call your number wan!

The best part of the performance for me,
was when it ended!

I've been waiting to say this ever since you joined the company;
Wong Ah Beng, you're fired!

Death would be painless compared to this!

Your (big) presence overshadowed your performance!

You're a cunning fella;
since you cant sing well, you try to be bad.
Well, you suck at being bad!

I'm so going to enjoy this tonight. God help these poor buggers.

*Update

Its all about the delivery. Nobody gets it when you're too clever!

10 comments:

babulicious said...

The Evil Lord presides.....

You seem more than well equipped with the rounds of venomous ammunition.

There will be retribution. They will probably make you sing!

Have a wicked time!!!

madnoh said...

Some suggestions:

"I like your approach, let's see your exit."

"Locked in a room with you, two tigers and a gun with two bullets, I'd shoot you twice."

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."

"I'm not sure what makes you dumb, but it seems to work fine."

"I'm not good at empathy, would you settle for sarcasm?"

"I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you?"

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

plenteh said...

You as Simon Cowell?

Perfect 'casting', I must say. Wouldn't be too much of a 'reach' for you. :D

Will you be wearing some tight, pec-displaying t-shirt with really high-waisted pants then? *LOL*

[Is]landa said...

o lord,
have mercy on them!

Lolly said...

I think those insults could use some meat on its bones.
Its not good until someone cries.

sic6sense said...

ok, well it wasnt a disaster. It was funny rather insulting. The thing is the way the 'insult' is conveyed has to be audienced proof. Preferably, short in your face delivery.

Anonymous said...

That's an interesting story...Jason

Cosmic_GurL said...

Hehehehe...those poor souls! Simon Cowell does give constructive critism sometimes u know :p

Oreos said...

how did it go??

sic6sense said...

cosmic gurl, I wasnt that good. Noone cried.

oreos, post show party was even better. Had people spilling out of my room drunk at 4 am. :)