Hope

This is hopeful but I shouldnt have done it nonetheless.

I swallowed a handful of chocolates, it stops me from guessing what I'm going to get next.

Hopeless III

This is hopeless but I need to do it nonetheless.

I'm older now, I seek renewal.

Hopeless II

This is hopeless but I need to do it nonetheless.

My runaround car doesnt smell new anymore, I need a change.

Hopeless

This is hopeless but I need to do it nonetheless.

If England qualifies for the WC Final, I'll be going to Berlin.

Tit of An Idea

Flashes of the 9th Malaysian Plan and Vision 2020 rudely interrupted my day time fantasy of flossing Kylie's dentures. The Government and the Oxbridge type folks would thank me for the piece that will glue other pieces, the lie that will cover other lies and the killer strategy that will destroy all TIUs (This Idea is Useless).

And I'm giving away this miracle of a tit sucking idea free. This country needs 4 seasons. Thats right, you heard it here first. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. We have wrongly benchmarked DEVELOPED. Its not about GDP, education or the environment, its about the fact that ALL developed countries have 4 seasons. The damn Singaporeans are getting it right; they have airconditioned the whole island.

Imagine all industries would increase 4 folds. A black Kelisa for winter, the auburn one for autumn, baby blue for spring and hot chilli red topless one for summer. Even the Bakun project would become feasible as more power are consumed during those cold sexless nights.

My brilliant execution strategy comes cheaper than a 1 hp air condition. Really, its cummingggggggggg!!! ohHHH yeahhhhhhh!!!

Told you it was a tit sucking idea.

Damn Drama Post

Being a kiasu person, I shall also partake in the current wave of histrionics sweeping the blogsphere. Whether it's valid or gimmicky or just a cry for attention by the bloggers retiring, I want to throw out my toys too. I dont care!

So here goes my drama queen post.

"














" (A Gagged Gag)

Malaysia's Best World Cup

Apparently, Ukranians are not familiar with their national anthem. That got me warbling on ours without hitting the right notes. At least I knew the lyrics (although it didnt sound lyrical). Take my word for it.

Since we're only going to make the WC Finals sometime in the 2020s, coinciding with our Long Vision and notwithstanding our Short Execution skills, our best WC todate was the 1982 edition. The Tabung Rakyat, which put the finances of RTM to shame, was the best thing that happen to us since paper thin tosei. We were not only spared Osim's prancing horses but Shebby too. Back then, he was just Serbegeth Singh.

Although I didnt contribute to the Tabung as I was a mere student with raging hormones, I felt immense pride everytime Negara Ku was played before the live feed. It was the original long winded rendition but you knew everyone was singing it aloud from the Mamak to Melaka.

The football was excellent too. The best Brazillian team, a brilliant French team and the resilient Italians. I didnt like the Germans for their workmanlike approach but hate sure fueled the passion. Now, they that they have discovered flair and displayed vulnerability, the Germans have become likeable.

This WC's drama is yet to unfold. I suspect the definitive moment would be when Shebby finally makes the right prediction.

My Hump

I did my 'first everything' when I was a teenager. Many very many years later, I still behave like one.

Lacking parental guidance and interest in biology, I discovered sex (or rather spanking the monkey) through a book called, "The Flyboys in London", some poor excuse of a story to write about a humping airline and its crew. Key words that caught my attention then were " In, Out" and "Up, Down".

I was really clueless but since all my blood was rushing to a focal point, an explosion was imminent. With little help, the book was drenched, the sheets were stained and I was traumatized. When I finally regained my composure in an hour, I begin to appreciate the words and messages emanating from that dastardly story. So I did it again just to confirm my understanding.

This story mirrors my other accidental discoveries at that time. I was completely naive, but looking back, I wonder if I would have derived as much pleasure otherwise.

Headbanger

Bereft of ideas at the moment since the idiot box (re: World Cup) has taken over, I'm turning into a zombiefied lump of lard. No wonder I'm suffering a meltdown.

Hitting the treadmill like an overzealous hamster heading nowhere is cutesy but its begining to run its course. Swimming laps is great until you figured that you've been swallowing pee. All this exercise is giving me rushes and rashes for the wrong reasons.

And work. Thats why its called W-O-R-K. Its hard and gets in the way of doing things that you like. Like being a lard.

What about hobbies? Used to have millions of them like the very mundane (stamps, really) to the very expensive (watches, really). Hobbies are for those fertile with ideas and enthusiasm. I need fertility treatment.

Lets list down some ideas.

1.

I need help.

A Picker Me Upper

Since I needed a laugh after being emotionally drained yesterday, I made up a joke since I found others conventionally funny. So I call today's invention, 'Logic Defying Joke'.

How do you smell a rat?
Logic dictates that you hold it close.

How do you smell a rat from afar?
You can always smell a dirty rat from afar.

Dirty, clean or paraplegic, a rat is still a rat, right?
RAT-A-TAT-TAT! Thats why we shoot them down all the same!

Hahaha! That was so uplifting, just like a glass of champagne after work. I'm so perked up now.

Bring em' auditors on!!

Damn Emo Post

There's something about June that makes bloggers go emo. So many emo posts by bloggers I read regularly. So emo that I better not provide any links. I'm smart like that, although some say cold and clinical.

I'm getting really emo now, so here goes my emo June post. Raw and mostly rare.

"















" (A Silent Cry)


* Come to think of it, I've written emo before.

Go Figure

Given the knowledge you have 5 years post September 11 2001, would you change the course of history and erase the attacks on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon?

Consider that many more have died than the estimated 3,000 that perished in the attacks And that the world has become more divisive because of politics
And racial and religious profiling have become more pronounced than at any point in history And terrorism and violence have been exacerbated since 9/11

Applying the Theory of Chaos and religious theories to this event, tsunamis, hurricanes and the bird flu epidemic seemed plausibly linked although its arguably rich. Invariably, the naysayers are 'positively optimistic' that the world will end. Morons of the oxy kind, I say.

What about the impact of the 3,000 families, friends and pets that have moved on? Would they want a different outcome given the lives they have today?

I'm still figuring it out apart from trying to figure out what made me figure out this in the first place.

The Common knows Sense

Small talk precommencement of big time negotiations by hotshot Oxbridge type fellas.

Ox : "all this calamity everywhere killing so many people. The pregnants ones sure become pontianaks"
Bridge: "Nolah!. Its the virgins and spinsters who become pontianak le"

Can someone please clarify this?

Overheard while getting stroked by my hairdresser.

Auntie: "market cannot play one. only the big syndicates make money and we all end carrying their babies. govmen just talk and talk about controlling them but no action.
Blowgirl: "haiya auntie, they always say that after the market koyak. When everything up, everyone syiok. When finish syiok, we all carry the baby lah.

I understood.

(picture: A pregnant pontianak?)